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Subject: [PaCambri] Moments to share..may you do the same..Hug those you care about
Date: Sun, 6 Jul 2003 00:22:53 EDT

A person I knew, and saw as a friend just died this week,
her name:
Kathleen Kepponen... but we all knew her as Katri....her light though small
and short, touched many lives...as so with her passing I feel quite saddened
because her life was cut too short by cancer. she was loved by many, and many
knew her, but I cant rightly say if they really knew her heart. But she was
the sweetest, gentlest person I ever met in my whole life.
She had a way of brightening my day, you could alway feel the love and her
gentle spirit... eventhough she was constantly sufffering (and you knew it, but
just did not want to notice it)...she just had a such a special exurburlance
that alway made you feel so loved even when youbknew she was having great
difficulty breathing, she would be so thoughtful and caring concerning you and
not her self; such a quiet beauty and you felt it carressed you......and so I
am saddened that she passed away so soon. so faril and weakened by the
sickness.....before I could say all I wanted to say to my dear friend...that I cared
for, she apssed..like a leaf that floated to the ground with the gentlest of
gestures and with such lightness...I knew somehow she passed, for one could
feel the gentle tug at your heart....for I felt her light, her love, her life
simmer to a slow crawl. I did not wnat to believe, but itcwas so fast....I could
not, I dare not let it lose its ferver, for she meant more to me than what
she felt she needed. I needed her frienship more than she needed mine. I just
wish I could have known her longer. I wish I could have known her when she well
and more youthful and spirited....She was a fun loving person. She loved much
and long. She never gave up on any. Right to the end, her life was younger
and more full of life, eventhough it was whaning and growing increasingly ahrder
on her.. For it sadden me in the last days of her life. She suffered greatly.
But her beauty and strength did not waiver. Eventhough she tried to spare
others of her suffering. In her suffering her light grew and so did her love. I
shared so many moments with her those last weeks. I felt somehow as if I was
eavesdropping where I should not have priviledged to go, but I was there, saw
and felt her spirit, her light glow in the marvelous ways I did. I saw the love
of her son, love her so intimate, and I saw the love she had for the future
grandchildren she did not have yet as she crocheted the small blankets to cover
that baby. I saw how she saw the future eventhough it did not come for her. In
so many ways I saw her heart grow, and yet disappointment grew, faster and
her spirit aged and the sickness she could not keep from covering her fleshly
robe with tears. As petals fall from most flowers Is aw those petals fall. and
my ehart acehd each day i saw her grow closer to the fullness of that glow. sad
yet priviledged. My soul yearned for more youhthfilled days. Those times,
though I did not feel they were mine, were mine, more than I felt were mine to
share. I felt I knew her in more ways than I can share....eventhough she did
not say much to me those last days, I could ehar her heart cry for one last day,
one last hour just to spend with those she loved. Itw as sad yet joyful to
see those moments. Eventhough I was just a humble servant, I saw her as a
chosen friend..... and I feel so blessed having known her. I just wish it was
eternally possible to alway know her.....for I l could use an eternal
friendships. I just ache knowing she has passed. For it was too short of a friendship if
I could say that. I am so saddened, for she had such an elegance. Even in
ehr last days. her beauty inside glowed. But to share it all, I dont feel , I
am not sure, if is possible, but she was a grand l crossed hers? I dont know
which, but I know I am far better knowing her than if I had not. For she taught
me something I can not share. I just hope and pray you alhave found
someone you could say, you were most affected by... one person to have known.... and
having had known such a sweet loving person in your life... to ahve such an
impression on you, that would make you want to share that with someone
else...because if you dont, your missing the most out of life....knowing and giving
of yourself in ways you would never have known. For by knowing such a person
who is so loving and giving, you ahve gained a gift..... that of a sense
of..some truth and some true loves. For that part you see is a gift...but that
aprt they give of their inward light, is a JOY...and that part of you that is
LOVE is the only part you can know if it is love if it last after they
pass....that is te biggest joy yet....when it stays with you. I thank G*D that she
passed my way and in the last hours of her life, for she blessed me greatly with
her presence and with her goodness.... For I knew her of many of her sorrows,
for I had also traveled that path of great sadness.... but the knowing is not in
seeing the suffering, but the suffering is never knowing another....but it
was those sufferings that brought us together...and I am so grateful for
that...for the sorrow qwas not knowing her....but the sorrow was that which
causes us to "know" the real "you"...it is those sorrows that maek us feel human
and loved...and when we can cherish that LIGHT in others, it makes the life,
your lifes road..one less selfish existance. For were not alone and we should
never want to be alone. For that is the great suffering when we do it alone.
For a moment to feel someone elses, may it be sorrow , fear or
whatever,...were not alone is the real test of love and life....and the joys coem when we
can share those moments with someone else.....for the joys come and become joys
when we can love and know others as we know ourselves. That is where we find
the real joy....and the becoming a part of otehrs. Thatw as the joy.......and
to have shared in such I feel quite priviledged having felt that joy.....the
joys, in doing, sharing, feeling soemone else pain and sorrow. Thats where
real joy is......its in this ahring. you reap where you have not tread or
sown....yes, I felt her joys, as well as her sorrows in this path of
life...somehow, I dont know how, but this ooze we call love comes in many avenues of such
knowing...mine being...to care for her.....it did not seem much, for it was what
I alway did with great ease...caring for others when they got sick.....but
those were my joys, being needed, and she made me feel priviledged caring for
her. For her joys became mine as I got to know her and her family. It was a
gift to me just knowing her. Somehow I feel as if I was eavesdropping, but with
such joy. I just felt priviledged to know her in her last days....so blessed by
her love, knowing her and her loving family. I just felt so connected to her
as I cared for her in the ways I did.....and having so much in common..it
was like one tear uniting to another...I dont know how to make it any more
clearer. But knowing her was like feeling the rain on your face on a sun-shining
day. She had a way of making you feel loved just being in her presence and
being needed. and all I wanted to do was ..be there for her. It was like being
mothered, not smothered. Just knowing her. She had great insights and for the
first time I felt as close to her as I am to myself......just for knowing her.
How can I say it..it was like looking at yourself in a mirror....I knew where
she was coming from all the time...and I knew in my heart that it was just
temporary (all her pain) .....for I knew she would die, butvwas hoping at the
same time, she would live, but we all die. But while I could, I just wanted to
take in the scenery....I am just so blessed having known her...but at the same
time, I am overwhelmed by the lost, for I felt...cheated, by her death, for
there was much I wanted to say, but dare not, for fear of the end....I just
felt I needed a friend as much as she needed me, but she needed me more, (well,
at elast ithought that at the time, but feel I needed her more, now) and I was
not sure if I was...but if I could I would have chosen her to be my best
friend....It was just such a short relationship, a short fellowship divine....it
just was not for long, for death took her just when I thought I truly knew her,
and had a real friend...one that I could just sit and chat and share...and I
will miss her more than I
care to say....but...she was my friend... as I saw it...just not as long as I
wish it could have been....she will be sadly missed by me as well as
others...I am just one string of her lights she has lit...
May you share one moment with me, and just hug someone you care about.
Because if she taught me one thing , it was to share the moments when you "feel the
need to. It could be your last chance to do just that..., because you never
know when it will be their last breath or yours....boy, am I glad I hugged
her...I just wish it was sooner... and more oftener....may you love those around
you TIGHTER and longer. I will sadly miss Katri....
Susana

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