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Archiver > AUS-QLD-TOOWOOMBA > 2001-05 > 0989995557


From: James Crighton <>
Subject: [AUS-QLD-TOOWOOMBA] Apologies to list - omitted to cut and paste
Date: Wed, 16 May 2001 16:45:57 +1000


Today's Joke:
Are you considering having children? To determine whether

you are truly prepared for the experience, we suggest you
take
this set of simple tests... PART II

FEEDING TEST:
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water.

Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug

swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such
as Fruit
Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while
pretending
to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on
the
floor.

NIGHT TEST:
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8
to 12
pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM
begin
to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down
your
bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your

bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up
about
a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm
for
5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five

years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN):
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front
of your
clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of
the
beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN):
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the
counter.
Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest
food
store. Go to the head office and arrange for your
paycheck to
be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper.
Go
home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT:
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture
them on
how they can improve their discipline, patience,
tolerance,
toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many
ways
they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should
never
allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience.
It will be
the last time you will have all the answers.

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